One In Four Bus Drivers Are Evil

I know this to be true. I have done my research.

So. You're standing at the bus stop and in your head you're going over that one small little word - the destination. "Fiat". I work at the car company Fiat in the afternoons giving English classes. I would walk but Spain doesn't understand the concept of pedestrians so there's actually no path, only motorway, so I have to get the bus.

It went fine. "Ochenta-cinco" says the driver (85 cents). That's my fare. I hand it over. Continues without incident in this way for a couple of days.

THEN.

I'm standing at the bus stop. The bus arrives. I get on. "Fiat - ochenta-cinco", I say trying my hardest to produce an accent which doesn't sound English or American (you just feel so crass at times).

"No".

"Porque?"

And then in Spanish he continues to explain that I need to go to the ticket booth and buy a ticket before I can get on the bus. I look confused having not needed to do this the previous 3 days and 6 journeys. I get off and buy a ticket. I'm approaching the door to the bus. He takes one look at me, swings out into the road and closes the doors. I stand there fuming, wishing I knew the Spanish for.... well maybe I won't print it here. That's happened twice, what with the inconsistency and never knowing if they'll just randomly insist on having a pre-bought ticket when 9 times out of 10 you don't need one.

My other English friend has experienced similar difficulties. She also fell into a comfortable routine of taking the bus to work until one random day...."no". She was also directed to the ticket machine. But more frustrating for her was the day she decided to go on a day trip to a local town. With her bike. She waited for the bus. It arrived. She asked the bus driver (her Spanish is better than mine) if it was OK to take the bike on. "Absolutely!" he merrily replied, and got out of his seat and put it in the luggage area under the bus (in England we call these things coaches rather than buses). She happily arrives in her town of choice and enjoys a lovely day out. The night falls and she waits for the bus home. Can you guess the ending?

"NO. No bikes".

It was pitch black. The roads have no lights. She didn't know the way. Etc.

My friend assures me that you have to press these situations at least 3 times and then they budge. She explained to him, therefore, 3 times, that she'd been allowed to take her bike here, and therefore needed to return with the bike. It was late at night and there weren't many people around, so eventually she persuaded him to put the bike in the 'pram' area on the bus. "3 times and they give in", she explained, sounding nevertheless a little bitter. She also told me that according to her statistics it is every 1 in 4 who will just make your life difficult. I have to say, this tallies with my experiences.

Now. Bikes and ticket offices aside, there are many gradients of unaccommodating bus driver.

1) Rude. Refuses to understand your accent and is sarcastic about it. How many ways to say "Fiat" are there?
Ali: Fiat
Driver: (with bored voice) Que?
Ali: Fiat - la compania
Driver: (sarcastic expression) Que?
Ali: Fiat - la rotunda de Fiat. Necessito la parada cerca de Fiat.
Driver: (Superior expression and not looking at me) No entiendo.
Ali: FIAT.
Driver: (gives in) 85.

2) Overly informative. The stop I need is a 15 minute walk beyond the Fiat company. There's no choice in that. The company is on a motorway. However, again, saying Fiat, La rotunda de Fiat (roundabout), or la parada cerca de Fiat (the stop close to Fiat) 8 times out of 10 is understood because it's not rocket science and my accent is not bad. However, recently, bus drivers have felt obliged to tell me I can't get on the bus because it doesn't stop at Fiat. I quickly learnt the Spanish for, "I know it's the stop afterwards because I do this every day". Then then sigh and let me on, clearly frustrated that I actually know what I'm doing.

3) Mad. The driver is new to the job and arrives at the wrong stop so we all have to run over some flower beds to get there. He then begins to pull out and swing around a roundabout while 2 or 3 of us are standing and trying to pay for our fare. I try to pronounce the destination correctly whilst handing over my fare, whilst trying not to fly through the windscreen or fall on top of a little old lady. I have the "que" conversation once more for a while before he eventually gives in with a frustrated shrug and takes my money. I make a mental note to the learn the Spanish for, "You incompetent, dangerous fool!"

4) Mean. Twice this has happened. I get on the bus, declare my destination and listen patiently while the bus driver explains that there is no stop for Fiat, but one some way down the road. "Si," I say, again with admirable patience - after all he's trying to help "Yo se. Voy todo los dias" (I know. I go every day.) I assume what with having an accent that I am eternally thought lost. HOWEVER, the stop comes.......and goes. The last stop for 20 minutes as we hurtle towards Madrid. You have to request the stop - which I do, again every day, but he didn't stop, even after the conversation we had. I end up getting off at the next available town (which was a motorway and a business park) and gave him the nastiest curse of a look I could muster which I sincerely hope he takes with him to the grave. Again, I make a mental note to learn the Spanish for an astute telling off. Next time, matey, next time....make my day!!!

Maybe it's the teacher growing inside of me or just confidence with age, but I feel a great need to point out when people are at fault. We all have faults and I for one live in quite a glassy house so I'm careful with stones, but sometimes people are just so thoughtless or inconsiderate. Not nasty or unkind, just thoughtless. Plus, here, cars can drive over pedestrian crossings if they like. In the UK cars stop for you and it's illegal to be on the crossing when there's a green man. Here, I have nearly been run over more than a few times. Again, I quickly learnt the Spanish to yell 'corrective information' at the driver. I'm not that foul mouthed really (only to inanimate objects) but "you naughty boy" doesn't quite work. Mind you, I don't know the Spanish for that either, which considering the amount of cute guys around here is something of a mystery (he he he).

But hey, let's look at the statistics once more. It's only 1 in 4. The other 3 are lovely and friendly. As are most of the people here. Two people went out of their way to help me get back to where I needed to be this afternoon. Stephen Fry once said, if you threw a brick out of a window, 9 out of 10 times it would hit a decent person. Ergo, don't through a brick. Just say "You're a naughty boy" and shake your fist, go inside and swear mindlessly at the computer for taking ages to load something.