Green Eyed Monster

I've always wanted to be on Doctor Who. I always wanted to be The Doctor rather than the assistant because when I was a kid, the assistant was Bonnie Langford. So, you know... she made Sylvester McCoy look like Neo from the Matrix.

Then it was Sophie Aldred who was much cooler because she was on CBBC and she was a rebel. But still, I wanted to be the Time Lord rather than the girl.

That is, of course, until 2005 when Billie Piper came along and kicked ass. Since then, whilst keeping one foot on the realistic ground (yadda yadda yadda), I've wanted to play that part. It has a lot to do with not being 9 anymore and recognising that it is highly unlikely there will ever be a female Time Lord (who would take that risk - I mean REALLY?) but mostly, women can have things to do now, besides looking pretty and screaming.

Now I will always and forever dream of being the assistant/companion, no matter what. I will always be in love with Rose. I will always gibber in the presence of Billie Piper and Freema Agyeman. I will need CPR in the presence of Catherine Tate. I will die instantly if I know John Barrowman is in the same building. That's the fangirl side and I refuse to be ashamed of being inspired and excited - of feeling like that 9 year old again. I love loving something this much.

The professional side is what it is. Andy Pryor wouldn't know me if he sprinkled me on his cappucino, despite my efforts. So after many years I've marched away from the glass ceiling in the UK and gone to Follywood. 5,500 miles away from Cardiff/London it's a different story.

So the fangirl pouts - they don't have Daleks in Los Angeles. (Well they did in February and it was awfully nice). But the professional writes so much she gets back ache and blinks in disbelief as she registers the hours and days that are passing at warp speed as she disappears into another Universe of her own creation. Things are going well here.

So today, the latest companion was announced. I'm so jealous. I'm so jealous. I'm so so so jealous. But I can't wait to fall in love with her as well. I can't wait for Moffat to make me feel 9 years old again. How much do I love this? Totally. Utterly. Completely. The fangirl and professional. One feeds the other. AND the Torchwood trailer is also online.

I met my Doctor once. He was wearing a scarf that made him appear to be in character. Albeit 20 years later. It was cool. So however frustrating it is being separated from the Whoverse (still!), from having any professional input on that side of the world, from being anything other than a fangirl, it propells me further and faster into productivity. Because if I don't keep writing or working towards my goal, I will just die. So there's no choice in that.

I'm experiencing huge pride in the short films that are actually getting distribution at various internationals film festivals that I've contributed to. Sending off scripts in the next two weeks. Waiting for SAG to sort it out. Then it's off we go, which will take the edge off the harsh truth, that this beautiful young woman is not me...

Congratulations Karen Gillen! And here some words from James Moran in support of her for people that have an issue with how young she is. They obviously missed the concept of 'acting', so I'm quoting him here.

"A Soothsayer from my Pompeii episode has been cast as the new Doctor Who companion. She's called Karen Gillan, and I imagine her email inbox has just broken into millions of tiny pieces. Very pleased to see more details gradually coming out about the new series, I'm sure she'll be great.

However. I was very surprised and displeased to get lots of messages complaining that she's "too young", and that this is a bad thing for the show. To those people, I have this to say: She's an actress. HER AGE IN NO WAY AFFECTS THE QUALITY OF THE SHOW. It didn't turn into a comedy sketch show when Catherine Tate was hired. It didn't turn into a motel-based soap when Freema Agyeman was hired (her first job was on Crossroads). It didn't turn into a teen pop song show when Billie was hired. Seasons 1 and 2 didn't have Rose singing a song at the end of every episode, about how cute Timelord boys are. Season 3 didn't have the Doctor and Martha opening a motel. Season 4 didn't have Catherine Tate dressing up as sweary pensioners or donning lots of prosthetics. Karen Gillan is 21. Not 12. She's an adult. But it doesn't matter how old or young she is, or what parts she played before, or how tall or short she is, or what colour her hair is, or what her opinions on cheese are, or anything else. She's an actress, and a very good one. That's all you should be worried about."

Bring on the good times. I love Who. I have Who Pride. I'm out. And I'm in San Francisco this weekend so it's quite appropriate - especially for watching the Trek movie (again) and trying to calculate the number of movies where something has crashed into, through or next to the Golden Gate Bridge. Until this weekend, my main association with San Francisco was Star Trek IV. It's now my wonderful friends, an excellent film crew and an atrocious curry. The way it should be. So maybe I can live without Daleks a little while longer.

*sigh*